I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
