i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
