I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
