What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
