It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
