New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
