Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
