dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
