She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
