dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize