So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
