there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
