1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
