hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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