you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
