just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The uberlube is also flammable
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize