he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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