Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
