He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
