it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
