One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize