that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
