Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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