It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
