you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
