im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
