chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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