I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
