I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
