So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize