She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
