Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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