I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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