who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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