I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
