after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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