I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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