The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
