Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
