She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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