please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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