I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
