When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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