How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
