break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
