Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
