I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
