He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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