That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
