How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You took a bar mat shot.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize