Got a toothbrush?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
