Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
