Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
