Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
