dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
