if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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