i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
