I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
