I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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