It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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