Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
