what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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