Swine flu. Run for my life!
Jerry, you need to find god
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
