but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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