wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
