were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are my feet made of real feet?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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