I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
