Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
