He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
even my farts smell like vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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