2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My hand turned me down
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
